Wednesday, February 28, 2007

When China sneezes, we get the cold

Dow Tumbles 3.3% in Biggest Loss Since '03

By DAVID CHO and TOMOEH MURAKAMI TSE

Washington Post Staff Writers

Filed 2.28.07

A plunge in Chinese stocks rippled across global markets yesterday, triggering a massive wave of selling in the United States that sent the Dow Jones industrial average down 3.3 percent, or 416 points, its biggest decline since March 2003.

The news from Asia sparked the initial sell-off, but a confluence of other events, including news of rising real estate loan delinquencies, a surprisingly weak manufacturing report and a bombing near Vice President Cheney in Afghanistan, made an already difficult day worse.

(Click & Read on courtesy The Washington Post)
Artwork: "The 1929 Crash" courtesy of on-line stock

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Did the Clintons try & pull a fast one?

By JOHN SOLOMON & MATTHEW MOSK
Washington Post Staff Writers

Filed 2.27.07
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and former president Bill Clinton have operated a family charity since 2001, but she failed to list it on annual Senate financial disclosure reports on five occasions.

The Ethics in Government Act requires members of Congress to disclose positions they hold with any outside entity, including nonprofit foundations. Hillary Clinton has served her family foundation as treasurer and secretary since it was established in December 2001, but none of her ethics reports since then have disclosed that fact.

(Click & Read on courtesy of The Washington Post)

Photo Captions & Credits: "Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) at a recent book-signing. The charitable foundation she operates with former president Bill Clinton has enabled the couple to write off $5 million from their taxable income since 2001. (By Jason Decrow" via AP)

Monday, February 26, 2007

Secrets & undue influence in Cheyenne

A freely available OPINION


Star-Tribune Editorial Board

Filed 2.25.07

Wyoming was the last state in the nation to approve a lobbyist disclosure law. When the state finally did, in 1998, the law was incredibly weak.

Since then, the Legislature has rejected all attempts to give the public more information about how lobbyists influence lawmakers.

(Click & Read on courtesy of the Casper Star-Tribune)

Photo Captions & Credits: "Homeboys on the Range" by Gil Brady for The Cowboy Times

HOT BUTTON ISSUE...CLICK BELOW & READ what Rep. Keith Gingery & Gov. Eliot Spitzer have said about secrecy in Government

Spitzer: Secrecy in Gov't "Bad Thing"

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Politics as usual?

By JARED MILLER
Star-Tribune capital bureau

Filed 2.25.07
CHEYEN
NE -- In a small room deep inside the State Capitol, about a dozen envelopes in a tidy display await their rightful owners.

Each envelope is addressed to a lobbyist, and some contain burning questions from lawmakers about bills the Legislature will soon consider.

(Click & Read on courtesy of the Casper Star-Tribune)
Photo Captions & Credits: "Wyoming State Capitol Building - Cheyenne, Wyoming" via on-line stock

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Spin Meets Stupidity at Trial

Libby Case Feeds Calls for Study On Use of Findings

A freely available News Analysis
By EVAN PEREZ and JAY SOLOMON
The Wall Street Journal


Filed 2.22. 07

WASHINGTON -- As jurors began deliberating the fate of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, one outcome of his perjury trial seemed clear: The case has added fuel to calls for a broader examination of how intelligence was used in political arguments in the past six years.

Moreover, some current and former administration officials say, the trial's airing of the use of intelligence -- especially over the Iraq war -- threatens to further undermine confidence in American claims on other sensitive matters. That could be a particular problem in the U.S. campaign to convince the world to curb Iran's nuclear program.

(Click & Read on courtesy of The Wall Street Journal)

Photo Captions & Credits: "I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby (left) exits a Washington courthouse with his attorney, Theodore V. Wells" via The Associated Press.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Horseman appeals conviction

By GIL BRADY
Casper Star-Tribune

Filed 2.19.07

JACKSON -- Unlike the more famous trial of a Washington insider and his defense of an imperfect memory, a nomadic horseman here is still disputing current events alongside memories of another legal sideshow from 18 years ago.

“I am a sterling citizen who has been boogered by a bunch of bored forest cops, and they know it,” Terrence Amrein said last month, minutes after a federal judge denied his request to overturn three recent convictions. “And I’m going to expose their illegal abuses of me.”
(Click & Read on courtsey of the Casper Star-Tribune)
Photo Captions & Credits: 1) "Terrence 'Terry' Amrein leaving federal court in Jackson, WY, Jan.'07" by Andrew Wyatt; 2) "Amrein & one of his prized Appaloossa horses near Snake River Canyon, WY, Oct.'05" by Gil Brady for The Cowboy Times

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Congress needs to own up to War

A freely available OPINION

By the Casper Star-Tribune

Filed 2.22.07



Congressional action on the Iraq war since the Democrats took control of the Senate and House in January has been as partisan as it has been disappointing.

House Democrats managed to pass a nonbinding resolution against President Bush's plan to send 21,000 additional troops to Iraq. Republicans procedurally blocked a similar vote in the Senate.

But this purely symbolic resolution produced more shrillness than progress.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Edwards: Israel threat to Middle East?

A freely available OPINION

The "I" word: Liberal or Conservative, political Russian roulette in today's PC political dialogue?


By PETER BART
Variety

Hollywood is of one mind politically -- at least, that's the long-standing myth. Well, at this moment (a rare moment) the myth may have become reality. The anti-war sentiment in the entertainment community is as pervasive as it was during Vietnam. Yet there are many other cross-currents as well -- and they are strengthening as the '08 campaign looms.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The 4 Branches of Gov't?

By KENNETH P. VOGEL
The Politico

Filed 2.19. 07

The high-ranking CIA official accused of steering contracts to a childhood friend once oversaw ethics at the agency, according to federal charging papers.

The case against Kyle "Dusty" Foggo, whose indictment is linked to the investigation that landed former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif., in prison, has
embarrassed the CIA. And it comes when Democrats, now holding a majority in Congress, are working to make good on campaign promises to eradicate the specter of corruption that they charged hung over the Republican-controlled Congress and the Bush administration.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Gov't shouldn't Indian Give

A freely available OPINION

Star-Tribune Editorial Board

President Bush says no child should be left behind. But his famous declaration apparently doesn't apply to Indian children.

For the second consecutive year, the Bush administration is trying to eliminate the Johnson-O'Malley program, which has helped Indian children in public schools since 1934. Supporters managed to save the program last year, only to find it on the chopping block again.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Imagine Jackson...nah

Is less More?

By BETHANY LYTTLE
The New York Times


Filed 2.16.07

WHEN John Friedman and Kristin Shepherd of Berkeley, Calif., purchased 160 acres in the mountains near Telluride, Colo., it was with the intent to build — just not right away. Before designing a small, ecologically sensitive second home they wanted to spend a year or two visiting the land to determine the most suitable building site. But at an elevation of 9,600 feet, living in tents was out.
(Click & Read on courtsey of The New York Times)
Photo captions & credit: "Matthew Adams outside his 120-square-foot house by Modern Cabana on his 160 acres near Red Bluff, Calif. He wanted a well-designed dwelling that would have the least effect on his land" by Peter DaSilva for The New York Times.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Deals on steals?

By KELLI ARENA & TERRY FRIEDEN
CNN Washington Bureau

Filed 2.13.07

SAN DIEGO, California (CNN) -- The CIA's former third-ranking official and a California defense contractor have been indicted on corruption charges in the same bribery probe that sent former congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham to prison, federal prosecutors announced Tuesday.

Kyle "Dusty" Foggo quit his post as the CIA's executive director in May 2006 after prosecutors began looking into his ties with longtime friend Brent Wilkes.

(Click & Read on courtsey of CNN)
Photo Caption & Credits: "Kyle 'Dusty' Foggo resigned last year from his job overseeing the CIA's day-to-day operations" courtsey of CNN

GOP: Media facts about Iraq are "Liberal"

A freely available POLITICAL ANALYSIS

House GOPers complain that Media is "Liberal" because it reports facts about Iraq (more surprisingly, none of the offenders are from Wyoming)

By TALKING POINTS MEMO.com

Filed 2.14.07

Yesterday over at Election Central we reported that GOP Reps. John Shadegg and Pete Hoekstra had sent out a letter containing a set of talking points for GOP Congressmen to use in the debate in the House this week over escalation.

(Click & Read on courtsey of Talking Points Memo)

Recent County Scandal raises Questions about Law, Policy and Ethics but not "Crime"

A Cowboy Times Investigative $aga

PART I


Post-mortem on one great, fast & loose spending county

By GIL BRADY
The Cowboy Picayune-Sunny Times
Filed 1.12.07
Updated 1.22.07, 12:01 a.m., MST

TETON COUNTY, Wyo. — (CT) Humorist P.J. O’Rourke once wrote: “When someone creates a system in which you can’t tell whether or not you’re being fooled, you’re being fooled.”

Perhaps, that odd chestnut best explains how a nagging local uproar and five-month state criminal investigation—over at least $20,000 in alleged misspending by a handful of public servants here—was short-changed by its own mandate.

“Well that’s true,” Prosecuting Attorney Steve Weichman said this month about Wyoming's Division of Criminal Investigation’s scope being limited by his request to a single transaction.

“But it’s more complicated," he continued. "They have (wider) jurisdiction in certain (cases). They don’t have jurisdiction about allegations concerning a county employee unless they appear to be dealing drugs, child porn, etc.”

Before clearing County Engineer Craig Jackson of wrongdoing in the investigation, Weichman said he saw no reason, based on information provided, to have probed any other county employee or official for alleged offenses.

Besides Jackson’s tabs, an informant provided Weichman’s office with a detailed spreadsheet alleging over 300 bills lacking itemized or legitimate receipts, as required by law, submitted or approved by higher-ups in county government here.

Explaining his decision this month, Weichman reportedly told The Jackson Hole News & Guide: “Statutes do not envision a cash register receipt.”

Whistleblower’s raft of allegations ignites uproar

Released days before Christmas, the 31-page DCI report names a 66-page document, created by county whistleblower Phillip Delaney, calling-out nearly $6,500 in non-itemized and unknown expenses by Jackson, his former boss, and about $12,750 in questionable gifts and spending approved by county commissioners, present and past.

“For a county with a budget of $44 million, $20,000 in sloppy spending over seven years indicates to me commissioners are doing a great job,” Weichman said about Delaney’s spreadsheet, covering a fraction of the county’s 26 departments.

Conflicts-of-Interest?

The county’s top law enforcement official also addressed possible conflicts-of-interest among his sworn duty to defend the county and his oath to enforce statutes and protect taxpayers from misuses of public funds.

“Analyzed at that level there are profound conflicts,” Weichman said before recalling then-Freemont County Attorney Norm Young’s uncontested prosecution of the sheriff for taking drugs from an evidence locker. “What happens if the county clerk comes to me and says: ‘Sue the commissioners because they hired someone to do my job—they are infringing on my statutory turf’?”

Asked last September if he would prosecute lawbreakers in the scandal, Weichman said: “Probably.”

Delaney’s document and county vouchers show official spending on such unofficial or non-itemized expenses as: flowers; gifts; booze; a $300 get-a-way to a Montana spa; cell phone bills; tuition expenses; and years of meals around town for free.

Though DCI’s report annexed Delaney’s raft of allegations, investigators could only examine one 2005 Texas seminar turned junket when Jackson and his girlfriend, a non-county employee, rang up charges outside the host city.

Also, DCI questioned Jackson about double-billing and extra noshing on days when taxpayers had paid for Jackson to attend a $525 seminar on waste and trash, meals included.

DCI also explored counter-allegations by Jackson and his secretary, Betty Burmeister.

Infidelity?

Burmeister, who reportedly told DCI “the county is loose in their policy,” suggested Delaney, burned by an unrequited fling with a woman dating Jackson, his ex-boss, had concocted the scandal out of revenge.

Delaney “has an axe to grind,” an investigator noted Burmeister said.

Investigators also noted Burmeister’s surprise to discover Jackson had flown first-class to Texas as Betty B said she usually booked cheaper airfares.

Nowhere did DCI note that Delaney’s accusations about the county's wasteful spending habits were unfounded.

In a recent article, County Administrator Jan Livingston, of the NCAA basketball tix give-a-way sensation some years back, criticized Delaney’s behavior as disruptive and said of some bills, such as employee tuition, “What kind of receipt do you need for that?”

More than a year after gifting the county planner and his family the six tickets and complementary airfare in 2001, Livingston and the employee reportedly repaid $175 of the $1,394 in taxpayer generosity.

But original questions, as raised by News & Guide editor Angus M. Thuermer, Jr., remain: “Was county money spent according to law? Why didn't the county use standard personnel policies instead of a gift to reward a hard-working employee? Does the county need to be reimbursed for more or all of the $1,394?”

And, oh yeah? Did anyone report any of this, or other "gifting," on their income taxes as generally required by IRS law for freebies over $250? And has the county done the same in its books?

Lastly, will local auditors look into any of this wallowing at the public trough, or blow it off as business across the street as usual?

Betty B and Jackson explained that the use of two county credit cards, attending only portions of seminars relevant to Jackson’s work, and other confusions, had led to the $1,115 airfare and various excessive charges on the trip.

Before resigning last November, Jackson said his spending at times “might have been on the line,” but he never intended “to defraud the county.”

Also, he would repay any instances of double-billing and was proud of his work on the county’s infrastructure.

“Have you seen our state-of-the-art trash compactor?” Jackson said last September before Livingston entered and advised, over protests by a reporter, he end the meeting.

According to DCI, the purported mistress told Burmeister, before Jackson's secretary was interviewed by DCI, that she did not have an affair with Delaney, who is still married. The woman in question, DCI reported, sought to get Delaney fired after Delaney issued a memo about her alleged misuse of county resources.

A DCI investigator wrote that Delaney reported Jackson's girlfriend to their higher-ups for her improperly using a county vehicle to drive her kids to school.

In an e-mail, Delaney’s lawyer, Gary Shockey, said: “Phil denies he had an affair with (the woman). Phil denies that he said or inferred that he had an affair…in any conversation with Betty Burmeister.”

Ethical lapses?

Additional public records and official responses portray a county whose personality clashes and competing agendas somehow missed many instances, over a seven-year period, of cronyism and ethical lapses on spending, bidding and graft.

Loose spending persisted despite an official warning four and half years ago about the county’s billing protocols in a memo sent to all 26 departments by county attorney Keith Gingery.

Since then, officials here have paid for: dinners at steak and lobster houses; a $933 office chair; mojitos for two; boys night at Reno strip bars; lunches around town; feasts with state lawmakers; official trips that became little more than subsidized vacations, with minimal or no explanatory records; free gas; and a $14,000 no-bid spruce up of the commissioners’ chambers, a seven-month review of more than 500 hundred county records and 10 interviews show.

Latest loose spending, old news

More recently, Gingery admitted loopholes existed in the system, but he saw no intent to deceive by bureaucrats here. Apparently, other county bosses did not share his concern for another elected official’s worries.

As far back as 2003, Gingery recently told the local paper, County Clerk Sherry Daigle had been ignored by department heads after "complaining" and "pushing hard" for more documentation on claims.

Last September, commissioners reprimanded employees in “executive session,” took measures to tighten policy, and restored Daigle’s power to reject tabs lacking sufficient itemization.

Three months later, Weichman closed the matter.

In a July 2002 memo titled “Authorized Expenditures and Uses of County Funds and Property,” Gingery urged county honchos to obey laws on government ethics and avoid misuses of their office.

The memo warns about: in-town meals unrelated to county business; alcohol; personal long distance calls; late fees on credit cards; personal postage; entertainment; flowers; and “Gifts of any kind.”

The same statute also bans all public servants from using “public funds, time, personnel, facilities or equipment for [their] private benefit or that of another unless the use is authorized by law.”

Also prohibited is the sharing of “official information which the [public servant] obtains through or in connection with [their] position, unless the information is available to the general public or unless the dissemination is authorized by law.”

Cautions exist in the statute about making decisions if a government worker has an obvious personal or private interest in the matter. Penalties for convictions range from fines up to $1,000 to removal from office or position.

Free Speech & Whistleblowers

Last summer, Delaney alleged, during a luncheon with Weichman and former commissioner Jim Darwiche, that then-commission chairman Leland Christensen, through a message relayed by Darwiche, believed Delaney “was no longer protected by whistleblower laws”.

Christensen, now the county’s vice-chair, said recently about Darwiche's purported message: “You know? I don’t know what Jim said. I wasn’t there. I would be speculating about what he said.”

Last fall, at a downtown hotel, Darwiche confirmed telling Weichman and Delaney about Christensen’s take on a recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling restricting the free speech of public employees. Darwiche added he saw no veiled threat in the communication.

Christensen said this month he believed commissioners’ actions and spending were consistent with the county attorney's interpretation of statutes.

Currently, the county is awaiting the final results of its 2nd annual audit by Linsenmann & Linsenmann, LLC.

Copies of the executive summary are available from the Office of the County Clerk for about $15. Reserve yours before they're all gone at (307) 733-4430

Stay with The Cowboy Times, "First in News, Last in BS!"

Artwork: 1)"Bald Eagle" by the one and only Andy Warhol; 2) Teton County Prosecuting Attorney Steve Weichman; 3) County attorney & Rep. Keith Gingery (R-Jackson) via on-line stock images.

(Next UP: A rollicking autopsy of graf$, and how at least one local Pharaoh is still apparently grifting the county).

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Congressman calls cops to snuff cigar

Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.) believes it is his right as a Muslim to be sworn into Congress with the Quran. But apparently, the freshman lawmaker doesn’t believe it’s Rep. Tom Tancredo’s (R-Colo.) right to smoke a cigar in his congressional office.

(Click here & Read on courtsey of The Hill)
Photo Captions & Credits: "Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn)" courtsey of www.keithellison.org

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Geologist says diamonds came from space


The Miami Herald

Filed 2.13.07

Professor Stephen Haggerty retrieves a 730-carat black diamond -- the size of an apple -- from his desk. It's nearly impossible to cut, potentially billions of years old and, he believes, a product of outer space.

Haggerty, 68, is a man driven by diamonds to far and dangerous places -- Siberia, where he met his wife; the Ivory Coast; Sierra Leone; Liberia. But he is entranced neither by diamonds' beauty nor their cash value. He gives his wife emeralds.

(Click & Read on courtsey of The Miami Herald)
Photo caption & credit: "The Professor" courtsey of the Miami Herald

Monday, February 12, 2007

Will Cheney roll the dice & testify?

By SCOTT SHANE and JIM RUTENBERG
The New York Times

Filed 2.12.07

WASHINGTON, Feb. 11 — One figure has dominated the trial of I. Lewis Libby Jr. without even showing up in the courtroom. Day after day, the jury has heard accounts of the actions of Vice President Dick Cheney, watched as his handwritten notes were displayed on a giant screen, heard how he directed leaks to the news media and ordered the White House to publicly defend Mr. Libby, his top aide and close confidante.

(Click & Read on courtsey of The NYT)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Putin blasts U.S.

By LOUIS CHARBONNEAU
REUTERS

Filed 2.10.07

MUNICH, Germany (Reuters) - Russian President Vladimir Putin, in one of his harshest attacks on the United States in seven years in power, accused Washington on Saturday of attempting to force its will on the world.

(Click & Read on courtsey of Reuters)

Photo captions & credits: "Russian President Vladimir Putin" courtsey of Reuters

Saturday, February 10, 2007

America the blameworthy

A freely available OPINION

By Victor Davis Hanson
The Washington Times

Filed 2.10.07

After the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, many leftists cited American faults that supposedly accounted for Osama bin Laden's savage attack.

The late Susan Sontag, for example, justified the terrorists' suicide bombing: "Where is the acknowledgment that this was not a 'cowardly' attack on 'civilization' or 'liberty' or 'humanity' or
'the Free World' but an attack on the world's self-proclaimed superpower, undertaken as a consequence of specific American alliances and actions?" But there were also those on the right who argued that the jihadists' furor was payback for our own sins.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Bills, bills, bills

Via the Star-Tribune

Filed 2.09.07

College study bill advances

CHEYENNE -- A House committee has approved a proposed commission that would study the future of Wyoming's community college system.

The House Education Committee made only one minor change Wednesday, asking the task force to look at issues surrounding capital construction on community college campuses, to the bill that already has passed the Senate. The bill now heads to the full House.

(Click & Read on courtsey of the Casper Star-Tribune)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Will the Media ignore how we got robbed?

A freely available OPINION

By JOSEPH L. GALLOWAY

Editor & Publisher

Filed 2.07.07

BAYSIDE, Texas -- Show me the money, or at least some receipts scribbled on the backs of old envelopes and grocery bags. This week, we were treated to the spectacle of the former U.S. civilian overlord of Iraq, Ambassador L. Paul Bremer, squirming in the hot seat as he attempted with little success to explain what he did with 363 TONS of newly printed, shrink-wrapped $100 bills he had flown to Baghdad.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Where all our money goes

A freely available OPINION

The spending plan faces a bumpy ride in Congress

Filed 2.07.07

It's always easy, and usually tempting, to attack a president's proposed budget. On the one hand, it can be condemned for spending money on many of the wrong things; on the other, it can be faulted for relying on misguided assumptions. In general, it is a thankless exercise that our system forces on its chief executive.

That said, President Bush spends money on many of the wrong things and relies on many questionable assumptions. The budget faces a bumpy ride in Congress, where its priorities will be challenged and, likely, reordered.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

What I found on my trip to the sub-Sahara, a.k.a., "Quick, pack a Hottie and meet me in Niger!"

A Cowboy Times Investigative RETORT

Filed 2.06.07

If you’re like me, Jesus, don’t worry. It’s all almost half over. Nonetheless, maybe you’re one of those guys who have always harbored a lifelong itch to palm the company credit card, pack up the family, your fiancée, wife, lover, pet Iguana, whoever, and elope like I did on a once in a lifetime sun splashed, landlocked, sub-Saharan junket to a little known Shangri-La unimaginatively called Niger.

I mean, have you checked out the eye-popping, Technicolor brochures yet? Uncorked its Whitman's sampler of delicious get-a-way packages to the sandy Kingdom? Quick, call Aspen Travel or Condé Nast before they’re all gone!

Holy smoke, no wonder the Veep shat an ape when he heard Valerie Plame had sent her main squeeze ass-h*ling it across the globe on a secret junket to a desert wasteland the CIA calls the 8th poorest nation on earth.

I mean? Is there nothing these two underachieving loafers with major Malibu Ken and Barbie complexes won’t stop at while taking the rest of us on a bum joy ride?

Sources tell me "Scooter" Libby really wanted an ace uranium sleuth like Borat to vet whether Saddam had gotten yellow cake from Niger.

But noooooo!

The g*ddamn Company had to have its Very Dashing Mr. Wilson go and subsidize half the entire economy of another Godforsaken hellhole with a lower GDP than Botswana, Haiti, Tajikistan or New Orleans, combined, with our sacred and hard-earned doll-Allahs.

Talk about stretching those Rock of Gibraltar Uncle Sam sawbucks while ravishing yourself like you’re living it up on the Riviera! Very clever Mr. Wilson, but Uncle Dick and I see right through your whole why-buy-the-cow-when-you-can-get-the-milk for-free-with-a-Hottie-like-Valerie Plame-charade, sir!

And by the way, if she’s your wife why hasn’t she changed her name yet, Monsieur Wilson? What are you two uber-Progressive, parlez-vous speaking lovebirds hiding from us there, sir?

Ha! Thank God the Vice-Prince of all Darkness and deferments was there to sniff out a goldbricker like Joe Blow Wilson. Try as they may, no impeccably credentialed ex-Middle East diplomat is going to pull a fast one on the clubby, tubby Jedi-instincts of a Beltway insider like Darth One-Beat-Away from Resigning-on-Principle Cheney!

All this I know first-hand, having recently concluded my own undercover safari to Niger on behalf of the non-profit think tank, Get The Hell out of America's Way.

And I’m here to tell all you globe-trotting sophisticates not only did Runaway Joe and his blonde bombshell take us all for fools, but you really haven’t lived until you’ve hired a small militia of Fulani nomads to guard the floss as you towel avian flu off your sweltering privies in a mud hovel with the hide of a skinned hyena.

Debunking claims of yellow cake, HA! In a malnourished Nigerian pig’s eye!

If Joe Wilson couldn't find yellow cake in Niger it's because he was too busy getting some leg off anyone of the 40,000 lazy ass slaves still toiling inhumanely for high government officials there, according to some bleeding heart liberal groups like The Red Cross & Amnesty International.

But back to my memorable evening bath! Which I took before venturing outside our deluxe accommodations in a pitched Bedouin tent that smelled vaguely of camels' toes.

On our first night the concierge at hotel Shek Down had prepared a savory moonlit dinner for my bride and I of stewed Baboons' balls. Our Lady & The Tramp table overlooked such scenic vistas of boys selling their sisters to toothless gunsmiths as young, uneducated men said goodbye to their families, after making videotape farewells in their mosques and madrassas, before heading off to war.

But by far the most culturally enlightening aspect was how throughout the entire meal the waiter’s hand was ever so attentively clutched around my wallet as the Maitre d' and the hatcheck girl took turns pressing sword blades to my blushing bride's swan-like throat!

Though initially concerned, we soon learned that in Niger this was how they showed great appreciation for the ever rare and fatted-up western tourist. Humph! And to think, some dare say they don’t like us over there anymore.

Oh? And talk about hospitality! It got to the point where my gal and I couldn’t tell where our honeymoon ended and their willingness to handle all our financial needs began, free of charge.

And the recreational opportunities in Niger! Boy oh Boy, who needs scuba diving and sailing when you’re on Holiday in the Sahara? No wonder why those two no yellow cake finding freeloaders always look so tan and fit. Let me tell you.

Niger just happens to be one of the world’s leading exporters of hashish and uranium.

And let me say, as a word of caution, you and your honey bunny really don’t want to mix those two up when you’re on a CIA-financed junket to assuage the Bada Bing Cowboy's hoping mad fever, whoa Nelly! There’s no telling what beans you’re liable to spill if you find too much of one and not enough of the other.

By our second day in the merciless sun my lovely lady and I had gotten so wasted hunting for uranium with our little picks and shovels, that I explained to the entire Niger delegation of crackerjack venture capitalists that we Americans are way too busy cheating on our taxes to answer all their e-mails promising us untold fortunes if we give some VIPs named Dr. Clemet Okon or His Royal Excellency Moses Odiaka our banking information.

Then, and all should pray the cat was left in its bag, I told them they’d have much better luck fleecing us if they just simply posed as Halliburton contractors like the rest of Uncle Dick’s Good old boys with their grubby hands stuck in the national honey pot.

My lady friend, an expert in international and unnatural relations, explained how Americans don’t mind getting taken to the cleaners, so long as we get taken to the cleaners by those we elect or those who pal around with those we elect.

This seemed to make a ton of sense. For before I knew it every industrious Nigerian with a laptop and a song and dance was busily crafting the most elegantly worded proposals on DoD letterhead that I had ever seen.

And before the weekend had arrived, most of them had not only gotten responses, but had been promoted by the White House to Under-ambassadors and Secretaries of States. One guy, named Umfofo Bunkums, was even put in charge of reconstruction in Iraq.

Now that’s progress! Talk about making the most of your time on the company dime.

Maybe it was just me, but by the end of the big game last Sunday, I swore I saw Payton Manning leaping across the field yelling, “I just won the f$ckin* Super Bowl and I'm taking the entire family to Niger!”

Yep, well, now that I've returned with my international Man of Mystery credentials freshly vetted by the big boys over at Langley, all I can say is: "Thank our lucky stars, as righteous and infallible Americans, we have Brave, New World men like I. 'Really Got Screwed by My Boss' Libby and 'Duck He's-Hunting-Again' Cheney watching our backs!"

For because of these two tireless public servants' unflinching devotion to the national interest, not to mention sorting out the ugly and ever-elusive truth, wherever it may lie, never again will average Americans fall for the bogus claim of two married ne’er-do-wells and naysayers of this fine and noble regime when one comes back, fresh and tanned off a taxpayer sponsored junket, and tries and tell us: “I just came back from Niger, and all I got was this skirt.”

Always remember and never forget class, "Come back to Niger, come back to the way things used to be."

Monday, February 05, 2007

New Orleans, Godforsaken?

The other America

By ADAM NOSSITER and CHRISTOPHER DREW
The New York Times

Filed 2.5.07

NEW ORLEANS, Feb. 4 — When the body was brought out, the two little boys did not stop chewing their sticky blue candy or swigging from their pop bottles. The 18-year-old mother wheeling her baby came to watch, and the teenager with the spiky hair and the bulky duffle coat was laughing up on the worn stoop.

(Click & Read on courtsey of The New York Times)

Photo Captions & Credits: "Linda Holmes, second from right, is comforted at the scene of her son's killing in the Iberville housing project"by Lee Celano for The New York Times

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Hiding in Plain Sight?

A most incredible story of alleged crime

By JENNIFER STEINHAUER
The New York Times

He built the occasional skateboard ramp and did wheelies on his bicycle down the streets of this subdivision of stucco homes north of Phoenix.

In nearby Surprise, where Casey was enrolled as a 12-year-old in a public school for four months, he was regarded as a shy, average student with chronic attendance problems. A man identified as his uncle had registered him, attended curriculum night and e-mailed his teachers about homework assignments.

(Click & Read on courtsey of The New York Times)

Photo captions & credits: "Neil H. Rodreick II" courtsey of Yavapai County Sheriff's Office

Friday, February 02, 2007

Unartful articulating

A freely available OPINION

By
EUGENE ROBINSON
The Washington Post

Filed 1.2.07

What is it, exactly, that white people mean when they call a black person "articulate"?

I'll leave it to Joe Biden to explain (or figure out) why he used "clean" as one of a logorrheic string of adjectives describing his Senate colleague Barack Obama. I'm not sure his initial revision and extension of his remarks -- that he meant "clean as a whistle" -- get him off the hook. Just a suggestion, but Biden might fall back to "clean as the Board of Health," meaning sharply dressed; the last time I saw Obama he was, indeed, wearing an impeccable navy suit.

(Click & Read on courtsey of The Washington Post)

Photo Captions & Credits: "Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.)" courtsey of KDP